Another week goes by quickly.
Every so often I think that it would be impossible for my body to stretch more to accommodate Declan, that I can't believe my belly could get any bigger--and then I try on a shirt I haven't worn in two weeks and am proven wrong! What an amazing thing God did in creating our bodies! I am in awe.
I had a productive weekend--even if my inattentiveness to detail did kick me in the butt a few times. I finished one Christmas present, and "wrapped it" and put it under the tree. That was an accomplishment if ever there were one. I got reacquainted with my sewing machine (I am a beginner, level ZERO sewist, sewer, sewing-person, whatever you want to call it) so, to have successfully completed or partially completed several sewing-related projects, I felt very good...even if I still can't sew a straight line...even when I have a line to guide me...
I digress. Back to the stuff you're reading the blog to catch up on!
I've had some more Braxton-Hicks pains. Yuck. And I am having this strange loss-of-sensation around my belly button as well as farther up on my protruding belly--which is very weird and creeping me out. I've never heard of that as a pregnancy-related-effect before. It almost feels like when you are sitting on your foot and it is about to fall asleep--you can still feel it but not like you used to be able to...it is so strange. I will ask my doc about it on Friday. It makes it REALLY annoying when I can't feel that I've knocked something over with my belly!
And since I was so productive last week, I've gotten tired again. Not like a zombie like the first trimester, but still tired. I know Declan is in the midst of putting on all the baby-fat he'll need and apparently that makes me tired. I am also at the point over the past few days of wanting to eat everything that comes into sight. Everything sounds good, just about. But I still crave mashed potatoes (but am too tired to make them by the time I get home!) and, strangely, Chinese food. ??? But not Chinese over mashed potatoes. That would be disgusting!
Moving right along, I have also made some progress toward finishing Declan's Nursery and organizing his stuff and thinking through things (which is challenging to say the least at this point). So, I am on track with less than three weeks until he's due.
Today is my birthday and at some point last night in my in-and-out-of-sleep states I dreamed that I went in for a doctor's appointment and had Declan there (on my birthday) and came home the same day to announce to my sister that I had Declan. I got to stare into his little face and blue eyes and snuggle him on my chest...it was a very sweet dream. I woke up happy and wondering where my newborn was...then I realized it was a dream. Just a sweet dream--and I should have known it was a dream, since the labor didn't hurt!
~~~
I also had a realization this past week about just how much fear I've been carrying around about labor and delivery--it is something I've never experienced that I can never be completely prepared for that, if I were being completely honest, terrifies me. Sometimes, knowledge is power and sometimes it just scares the crap out of you...my experience with this has been the latter. Also, knowing that I am the only one who can do this--feels like a huge responsibility.
I know the platitudes that it will be ok, I will be fine, other women do this every day, God created my body to do this--but none of that truly prepares me and makes me believe that I will be ok. So, after realizing the level of anxiety I was carrying around, I knew I needed to give it to God and choose to trust in Him. To surrender and remember that He is walking this path with me and to bask in that truth, not to hide from it. He will enable me to walk through it and where I am weak, He is strong. Here's the Bible verse He gave me today: "With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall." (Psalm 18:29, NIV) I think I will use this verse in my encouragement cards--filling my head with truth instead of the fear-tinged lies I had been allowing free-range inside my head.
Am I still scared? At times, yes. But do I now feel confident and able to "scale that wall" with my God? Absolutely. Absolutely.
~~~
Now, for an amusing story that I'd forgotten to share before...so a week or so ago I brought in my big jug of water that I truck in from home because I don't like how the water at work tastes and as I was about to put it into the mini-fridge at work it slipped out of my hand and crashed onto the hard-plastic lip of the mini-fridge, exploding water everywhere--all over the inside of the mini-fridge, on the carpet, on my pants!
And, as is my pregnancy-hazed brain pattern, I stood there for a minute-ish wondering if that had really just happened and wondering what I was going to do about it; how I was going to clean it up. At that point, Pastor Aaron comes in and what do I tell him in the other room? Here's how that conversation went:
Me: "Pastor Aaron, I've had an accident!"
{My brain: He's going to think you peed your pants, quick, say something else!}
Pastor Aaron: "Uh-oh, what happened?"
Me: "My water bottle broke!"
Pastor Aaron: "Whoa. Do you want me to get some towels for you?"
{My brain: did you just tell him your WATER BOTTLE broke? That sounds like WATER BROKE! Quick, say something else!}
Me: "Yes. My water bottle just slipped out of my hands and exploded all over the floor and my pants and the fridge. I'm sorry."
{My brain: FINALLY, you explained what happened!}
Pastor Aaron left to get the towels and when he returned: "At least it's just water!"
Me: "Yeah, I'm glad it happened when I was alone, I was afraid someone would think my water had broken!"
Then he laughed and told me that he hadn't even thought about that! So, all my brain's freaking out was over nothing.
~~~
Now it's time for the Declan update! As of last Saturday, he was about 4 3/4 pounds (like an average cantaloupe) and is about 18 inches long! He's continuing to add fat and his lungs are still developing, getting stronger to prepare for breathing air! He kicks and jostles and repositions a lot--his new favorite game is to scrunch himself up in different places and see how strange he can make my belly look--instead of it being completely and wonderfully round, it is more often poking out more in one spot than another or is flat here and round there. So I say it's his new favorite pastime. I know he's getting cramped in there and I'm coming to the point where I'm ready to be done being pregnant, so I'm sure he's getting anxious to get out and explore as well.
Well, I guess that this update has been long enough! I'd love for you to comment and let me know your most encouraging verse given to you by God lately! Thanks for catching up with us this week and hopefully by next week our "technical difficulties" will be solved and I can do picture updates! I'm told that I've changed A LOT in the past three weeks...
Cheers!
~N~
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